As the mother of a son whose father has been absent for most of his 11 years, I’ve attempted to embrace mentoring programs, church ministries, sport leagues and other avenues to bring forth a male presence in my son’s life. Like many families, our extended family is spread across the country, so it’s not as simple as him hanging out with an uncle or a cousin. It’s been hard and along the way, we have met many obstacles.
Our primary dilemma? Education comes first. For the extent of my son’s academic education, he has participated in a Majority to Minority program (commonly called M-to-M). Simply stated, the program enables minority enrollment in schools that have low minority percentages. It is common knowledge that non-minorities benefit from higher incomes, property values and access to better education. Overall, non-minorities have access to adequate and stable economic resources that provide an easier way of life that is not afforded to minorities. I’m not surprised that in the 5 years of participation, I haven’t met a non-minority family/child in the program. Why would they send their child to a school with fewer resources and lower test scores? As a minority, my children and for the sake of this discussion, my son, benefits from a better education. So, how does this “perk” create a dilemma?
While he benefits from a better education; his time is split. Our time is split. In the past, our days have started as early as 4:30 a.m. (we’re doing better… this year our days start at 5:30 a.m.). We live 30 miles from the school he attends. I’ve spent hours, days, weeks, months! trying to figure out a way to allow him to participate in some type of program that would give him male interaction. Separate from financial issues, time constraints and job responsibilities, logistically it’s been impossible. He hasn’t been able to participate near his school because of the lag time between school dismissal and when the program starts. He couldn’t participate near our home because the bus trip home can take anywhere from 1-2 hours. But, everything all changed this year.
My job responsibilities, my finances, our time, support of friends, everything fell in line – Thank you, God. This year my son signed up for contact football. I shopped for a hefty water thermos, mouth guard, jock strap (quite a challenge – I haven’t see “it” in years). Paid the $350 participation fee and made alternate bus arrangements for the practice days through the school transportation department. We spent 2 weeks ripping up and down the highway picking him up from practice, going to scrimmages, working late on homework and still getting up early to catch the bus. He was happy. His family and friends were proud.
Then I got the email… he was not eligible to play.
Where do I start? The league is separate from the school system. Even though he is eligible to attend school in the district, league regulations stipulate that he’s not eligible to play football. Of course, I cried. I always cry when I’m angry. Each year I attempt to figure out a way for my son and each year it’s never worked out. Why did it take 2-weeks and in excess of $350 to figure this out? And more importantly, what was I going to tell my son?
But you know God Is.
I called the Champ (see the blog called “The F Bomb”) and explained the situation. Within a matter of minutes, he located another league. (Thank you God for the man in my life – it was worth the journey.) We ran through the list of teams, figured out the best option and made the call. I spoke to the coach and found out that registration had closed on Friday, but he would see what could be done. At 7 p.m., my son and I were on the field (5 miles from the house) filling out the paperwork and writing a check for $150. Less money, less time and a more competitive league; everyone benefits.
My son’s only question? “Is there any possibility that I will play against my other team?” My answer… “Yes, if you both make it to the play-offs.” His response: “Good cuz I’m going to show them.” Such a little man already.
There is always a way when you have God on the team.
© Primary Thoughts, Inc. 2009
