The Business of Dating: Marketing 101

Back in the day, I drank orange floor cleaner. No, I wasn’t trying to kill myself; I was just a kid. It was back in the day when most people got paid once a month. Mom had come home from the store with a ton of groceries. My brother and I were putting everything away and by mistake, my brother put the orange floor cleaner in the refrigerator.

I thought it was some new kind of Tang, not reading the bottle and poured a tall glass. I even remember the way it smelled. I was thirsty and this was going to be good. I’m a fast drinker, so by the time I tasted the nastiness; I was halfway through the third hard swallow. Orange cleaner spewed from my mouth. I was peeved at my brother to say the least. Even more so, sore that I hadn’t taken the time to thoroughly read the bottle, but who admits the truth? My brother’s argument, “You should have read the bottle”. My childish response was, “Who would think to read the bottle? It was in the refrigerator next to the milk, orange and cold – duh”.

The bottle was simple in shape, similar to a 32oz bottle of Powerade. I inspected it thoroughly after the incident. When I noticed the pretty label, my disgust turned to the manufacturer. I felt it was too pretty to be used for floor cleaner. What were they thinking? I even read the customer service information and intended on writing a complaint, “Are you trying to make orange floor cleaner appealing to children?” Orange was the biggest word on the bottle, so I could see why I thought it was orange drink. You know, I was a kid. I didn’t want to take the blame.

So, now I have some questions… you know how I do. These may seem a little off in left field, but stick with me. I wanted to expand on a few thoughts that I had from “The Picture We Paint” post.

Ladies, how well do you know your target market? Have you defined your 4 P’s – product, place, price and promotion? Is your product getting left on the shelf? Or are you getting an influx of customers that aren’t part of your marketing strategy? So why these questions and what do they have to do with orange floor cleaner?

Where do I start? Well, my inquiries are based on basic Marketing 101 questions regarding business and to an extent every woman should be running their personal life as a business. Reread the questions from above. How do you determine these answers on a personal level? Simple – know your audience; know your product; know your marketing strategy; know your long term and short term goals. As women we have many attributes, so for the sake of this discussion, I’m going to keep it simple. I might even use some stereotypes to drive the point home. And, please note that I can’t cover every facet of a relationship/personality, so if you’re sensitive, defensive, thin-skinned, or whatever you feel comfortable calling it – this probably isn’t the post for you to read.

Picture this: You live in Bliss, Idaho with a population of 275 residents. As you stroll through the local Save-Your-Money Grocery you spot the man of your dreams. Well, as far as you can tell. You’re running down your mental “ideal man” checklist. As you’re contemplating, you feel for the top button on your jeans to make sure you buttoned it back; your jeans were screaming earlier. Actually it was your bootido gasping for air. While you’re peaking over the collard greens that are sitting on top of the fatback in your basket you surmise that he’s very muscular – looks like less than 5% body fat, in fact. You try to smooth your hair to no avail as you continue to take him in. Perfect height, skin flawless – mmm… he smiled… impeccable teeth, need I go on? Intellectual and spiritual – he’s thrown the latest novel by Karen Armstrong, “The Case for God” into his basket. You wonder if he will notice the tabloid tucked underneath your purse. Assumingly financially stable – he’s nicely dressed and he is absent-mindedly spinning his keychain around his pinkie finger. You side-eye his basket to make sure that it’s not full of store-brand labels; not that it’s a crime, but it might indicate that the clothes and car are a front. Cool. You strike up a conversation.

He’s pleasant, well-spoken, mentions that he visits his great-aunt once a year around this time. He’s in from New York City. Check: You’ve been dying to move to NYC for years. Ooh and he’s cooking grilled fish for his auntie this evening. Check, check: Family Man, but grilled fish? You’re sure to mention that your collard greens and sweet potato pie are to-die-for. You can tell that he is drawn to your eyes, but no. The moment passes without significance. What went wrong?

Well, let’s look. You live in Bliss, but your target market is NYC. You are your product and in this simplistic scenario, a first impression is your only catalyst to display your product, price (value) and promotion (information). From our storyline, you’re over-weight, hair a little unkempt and you relish living vicariously through other’s lives (celebrity tabloid). Oh and let’s not forget your best-selling attribute in today’s dating game – you can cook. Do you think he would want to eat your fatback laced greens every day? Remember he has less than 5% body fat. I believe “your product was just left on the shelf”.

How about another one? Let’s take a look at the typical online persona of a single female. I’m a single woman, looking for a serious committed relationship. I’m a free-spirited, go with the flow, spontaneous chick that loves to cook. I love the Lord, attend church religiously and volunteer at the local shelter whenever I can. I’m strong, yet supportive – I give my all to my man. I love life and I love my Washington Redskins. I live to spend time with my nieces. My major flaw is that I’m a little anal when it comes to housekeeping, but I will try not to nag you too much about leaving your socks on the floor. Ooh and I’m a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed. \o/

Ok – I’ve seen women portray themselves so eloquently to throw it all away with that last spin. What is it with that quote? Why do yall say that? What is the all time over-used quote that benefits every Player? “I’m a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed.” Then yall run around trying to prove that to be true. I’m beyond nausea on that one – dry-heaving at this point. Can I get “School Daze” for a minute? “Wake-up!!!!!!!!!!”

Why do I say this? Every day I see beautiful women of all sizes, shapes, backgrounds, etc. marketing themselves in this manner. If you’re all that then why do you catch them with the straight T&A picture and then close the sale with the bedroom comments? Why not just stand for what you claim to be your most valuable assets? You’re offering a bait and switch! And then (please forgive me) why do you get pissy when all he wants is the big screen, good food and juicy ass? And what is with the women that want to be a “hard bitch” that can just lay it down, but then she also expects to be treated like a “queen”? Umm… hello? I believe “you’re getting an influx of customers that aren’t part of your marketing strategy.”

Maybe I should say it another way, you might be taking those scenarios too personal. When you lease a car, do you value every single attribute that they got on the sticker? No. You look at the whole package. Decide it works for the most part, sign the contract and then utilize what you want for the duration of the contract. Oh, I’m sorry… you don’t want to be leased. Well, I’m guessing… your target market is intelligent enough to know that if you went about proving to him that you’re a lady-freak, it’s likely you used the same marketing strategy with everyone before him. Guess what else, he ain’t buying. Then you wonder why you end up with the Player that pretends to want to purchase.

Ladies, what are you trying to sell? It is your marketing plan in the works. Do you keep finding yourself with the same dude, different body? Do you really have internal value? Or are you like the orange floor cleaner; all pretty on the outside with bitter contents? Could it be that all that bitterness is baggage that you created with your own faulty marketing plan? Are you likening yourself to me, a child that drank orange floor cleaner and wanted to displace the blame?

For those of you that like getting left on the shelf because you know that God is going to deliver that ideal man. Cool! Keeping holding on, but while you wait keep in mind that the bible teaches us to nurture a healthy mind, body and spirit. I used physical attributes because I know how it plays in our community. I knew it would light some of you up, but please feel free to insert whatever you feel may be holding you back. Specific to this scenario, don’t wait for some man to foot your ticket out of small town Bliss, Idaho. You want a man that finds value in a healthy body – cleanse your plate. You want a man that can hold a great conversation – feed your mind. Prepare yourself for what you want in life. If you choose not to prepare, be sure to keep holding on to your blame, as well. Don’t keep blaming God, your manufacturer, for making you, you – a woman with high expectations; quit trying to file a complaint by asking God why you are still alone. He’s probably already sent 10 ideal men your way.

And for those of you that find the merry-go-round of men entertaining, fabulous. If it’s you – do you, love your results and be happy. Keep on riding. I’m only trying to provide some food for thought for those that might be sick of the cycle. If you’re at peace with wrapping all that you have to offer in a sex-kitten package or if you’re truly one with your “hard bitter bitch” persona and like being treated that way, be sure to own it. It’s not man that told you to market yourself that way. Just know that you bought into the typical Player’s marketing strategy, but he’s got a bonus with the deal; you’re doing all the work. You’re getting straight played.

Yall got my head hurting for real. Go read my poem called “He is” and then pick up a book on the laws of attraction. Men, I’m headed your way.