I AM A SUPER-PARENT’S KID: Shoot Me Now!

I said I was going to write this piece following the Pendulum and so (some time much later…) here I sit to put my thoughts down. In my earlier post, I spoke lightly about how this dilemma has impacted my family and we’re working to understand it all. While researching the subject, I came across many sides of the coin (so-to-speak). I could highlight the absent parent, present parent, the child that challenges their parent’s life lessons or one that idealizes their parent’s every thought. And there are many possibilities in between. As parents we never really know how our actions are playing out in the mind of our child, but we do our best. Sooo…

Are you a SUPER-PARENT’S kid? Let’s map out some possibilities and see where it goes – let’s create some characters.

Her name – Jessica. Child of a SUPER-DAD. She’s in her late twenties and is beginning to wonder why none of her relationships have resulted in a lasting connection. Not that she expected to be married, but that she seems to only be interested in her new beau for a short time, then her attention wanes. She’s interested, but not overly concerned with this dilemma. She looks fondly at her past relationships and sees everything in those men that her father taught her to seek. Hmm… so what’s the problem? What did SUPER-DAD instill in her?

Her father – the epitome of manhood. From an early age, he talked to her about life. The do’s and don’t's of dating, what to look for in a man, how to carry herself like a lady, etc. Such an attentive father, she hangs on his every word and trusts his opinion above her own. You’ve seen this love, a father and daughter walking hand in hand down the sidewalk; he smiles at her innocent chatter. Then years later as she graduates from college, you see his approving gaze upon her as she fidgets with the imperfect wrinkle in her ceremonial gown. As a result of his parenting, she knows her worth, and mediocrity is not an option. Seems cool, right? So, what is it? Why do they (her beau’s) lose her attention? Well, that’s the key, that word… “attention”. The pendulum swings…

He is still a doting father and time was one of his most dominant love languages. She is his princess. During her formative years, it was easier to nurture his relationship with her than it was to foster a lasting relationship with a woman. Not that the women he met were bad, just that relationships require attention. He was a man about his responsibilities and thus his business, so in the end romantic love lost out. He worked hard to provide for his daughter; not wanting her to miss an opportunity or true love – he poured into her everything that he hoped life would bring him. The pendulum swings…

What he didn’t teach her was a healthy balance between the many facets of life. There is so much to life and we all struggle with balance. Choosing to love our self and teaching it to our children is vital. Showing a love of self is not selfish. It teaches our children how to create balance and respect boundaries. His lack of balance created an adult that requires an unrealistic level of attention. You see as parents, we also teach by omission. When she doesn’t “feel” that her beau is filling that void… she looks to the next great guy. The pendulum swings…

Jessica, screams “Shoot Me Now!” as she ends yet another relationship. Not because he was a bad guy, only because he couldn’t fill the shoes that her father created. He had his own struggles with balance. He stopped dropping everything to respond to her every whim. He would never meet the standards her father established during her childhood. His failure to match the efforts of her father led to the demise of their relationship. This becomes a never ending cycle. The pendulum swings…

In this scenario, we are only dealing with responsibilities (business/financial), family (his daughter) and romantic love. There is so much more that goes into life. We will never create the perfect balance, but it’s important that we teach our children to recognize patterns and behaviors, so that they can govern themselves… reducing the swing of the pendulum to a calm sway.

This story really hits home for me. No, I’m not a father, but I’ve played the SUPER-DAD and SUPER-MOM role both as a single parent. In an effort to minimize the impact of divorce I became a SUPER-PARENT. While I changed genders and such to keep this somewhat impersonal, understand that I watch my children closely. I see their pride of family and the self-worth they display through their accomplishments. I know what pulls at the heart of each of my children. I speak to them with the understanding that I have now and when I think I’ve learned something new… I pull them in close and we talk. We literally have our own “if-then” discussions sometimes… lol. I don’t think there’s much more I can do, but if I figure out something new – you know I will share.

The recovering SUPER-PARENT.

Well, dang… how did that picture get in this post. That’s not a SUPER-MOM pic. Lol – I’m still waiting for the right photographer for my Wonder Woman shoot.