“So are you going to jump off a bridge, just because your friends do?” I know we’ve all heard this before and most would like to say at this point “as adults” that we no longer follow the crowd. We some intelgant inpendint enviduels, right?
Well, I have to ask a question in regards to dating and relationships.
I have heard women say, many times, “he’s not just sleeping with me, so what do I owe him… or he’s not committed to me, so I’ll sleep with whomever I want…” I’ve actually heard a couple of men say this, too.
When I hear these type of comments, I hear my momma sound off that old saying. And… I understand that you don’t want to commit to someone who isn’t committed to you. I get that, but what about the commitment to yourself? For some sex is sex, but I see it on so many different levels. At its most basic – you are giving someone authority over your body. How does “he does what he does, so ima do what I do” ever factor into this decision process?
If you know someone who has these views or you’ve said this before yourself, are you really saying that because he lays down with multiple partners that you do to? Or is it pride talking? And if it’s pride, have you really thought about how this sounds? It’s kinda contradictory to self-worth, really. Because he doesn’t value his, you don’t value yours… so you’re proud to devalue yourself? I just don’t get it.
What may be right for me, may not be right for anyone.
We are all adults and if some ppl choose to be in open relationships, then that is what they choose. I don’t necessarily want to do that & I have my reasoning’s behind it, however, I know not all ppl are like me. Some ppl just do not have time or want to make time for a commitment & they don’t want to be alone, so this is what they do. & that’s fine. For them.
Absolutely – I think that a person making a decision to be in an open relationship is cool. We live in a society were commitment is almost expected, so for those that choose open relationships, you know they’ve put some thought into it. In a lot of cases you hear them complain about dating people that say they can handle it, but inevitably looking for commitment from them anyway. I stated that example to say, it’s a constant battle (if you will) for them to maintain their position, so you get a sense that they have thought about their position and do work to maintain in open relationships.
My thought was for those who base their actions on the actions of others. They aren’t making a decision based on their needs, wants, desires. They are simple saying, “he/she is sleeping around, so I will to”.
Sometimes I think I would like an open relationship for my husband and I. Then the rest of the time I know that I probably couldn’t actually handle the thought of him being with someone else. So in my case, it’s purely selfish. I love only him yet, as all humans, find myself feeling that chemical pull towards others every so often.
Unfortunately, I have cheated in the past. He knows it and we’ve worked through it. And just like you said, I defended that choice out of pride. The other guy was using me and I convinced myself it was love – that I was madly in love with two men who both loved me madly back.
I was a fool and was used. I am one of the very lucky few who have someone there to look past the most grievious of mistakes and allow our relationship to start over.
I’m not married, but I’ve thought about it. And while I think it would be enlightening to an extent, the reality of it weighs much heavier. For all the carefree feeling, I can tell there would be a lot of “self-talk” required to keep me lucid… lol.
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I like what you’ve written here. Your post speaks to I think a generation of liberated women who hope for guidance on what to do next. There has been alot of confusion about the word equality. I say equality does not imply sameness. Women and men are different for a reason. You may be interested in my post “The Sexy”: http://ultimateoutcasts.com/?p=936
Thanks again! I checked out your post. Definitely agree with “equality doess not imply sameness”. And why would we want to be a man? And why would a woman want to be a woman? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?
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